The Transporter

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Summary:
Frank is a Transporter.  He will deliver a package with no questions asked.  He has his own rules, and once he starts to break those rules, bad things happen.  And he has to kick a lot of ass.
One of his rules is "Do not open the package." But his latest package is a beautiful Chinese hottie, and he opens it. This causes trouble, and he has to kick a lot of ass.

Review:
There are some action movies that are completely ridiculous. There is no way in HELL that shit goes down in real life like as done with Hollywood. However, a handful of these movies can be a shitload of fun in the process. Transporter is one of those movies. The so-called plot is all about getting Frank into trouble, so that we can enjoy him fighting his way out.
The opening scene has Frank in his trusty BMW, transporting three (not four) bank robbers to their pre-arranged destination while dozens of police cars chase after him. He does impossible tricks with the car, but hey, it's totally awesome. Within this movie's suspension of disbelief, I fell for it. Backing off of a bridge and onto the bed of a moving semi transporting cars works in this movie's case... so does him inside a bus incapacitating 15 - or something - dudes without killing a single one. It's the fun that goes with the action that makes this movie so damned cool. I like every fight scene for its' clever antics, each one having a moment that is particularly imaginative.
This is a movie where you won't want to try to ask a lot of questions. Such as, "how did that chick get in the back of the car while she's tied to a rolling chair with duct tape... and how did the chair FIT in the car at all, being as big as it is? Plus, why are the keys always in the ignition in garages in action movies?" Don't go, "how the hell does Frank's car go through so much abuse, but have so little damage?" Shit like this must be forgotten for the sake of entertainment.
Then, there's Hsu Qi... Oh my God, she is so fantastically hawt in this movie! She's always hot, but especially so when she's all wet, and her white clothes are sticking to her luscious frame and barely exposing that tight ass of hers. OK, so I'm a pervert. The fact that she doesn't know a lick of English, and struggles through her lines is even more charming to me. There's a great scene where she's throwing herself at him, and Frank feebly tries to turn her away, but only for a few seconds, and he finally does the right thing and starts making out with her. The ladies should have a lot to enjoy with Statham as well, considering that he has ample opportunity to take his shirt off and expose his fantastic body. While I am busy crossing my eyes in Qi's glorious assets, there's the possibility of a large majority of women also falling in love with Statham rolling himself (somewhat homoerotically, even hehehe) in oil and getting all slippery.
Anyone who even considers seeing this will know that it's going to be dumb. I happen to enjoy Frank's obsessive-compulsive like behavior, and the way Statham always plays it cool. To top it off, the opening establishes the limits that this movie will go to in terms of the unrealism of the action, and doesn't go beyond that for the rest of the film. That's the way to tell the audience what to expect in an action film.
Some of the dialogue is laughably dumb, especially in the end when one of the characters just completely disregards the loss of his daughter by basically shrugging his shoulders and saying, "oh well". It's hilarious! It's Statham's cool charisma, decent Euro-track soundtrack, and fantastic fight scenes that makes Transporter so much fun. Shut off your brain, and be ready to rock and roll.

GRADE: B

Reviewed 9/3/05