The Producers

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Summary:
Max Bialystock has a funny name, and is a failed Broadway producer. Leo Bloom is his accountant, and devises a plan to make a failed Broadway musical so that they can keep the investors' money for themselves.

Review:
I'm a fan of musicals, but I'm far from a fan of this movie, its' music, or the characters. I have never seen a musical turned to film that sucks on so many levels, and that's saying a lot. Maybe some day the musical Cats will become a movie that I am never going to see, and I might hate it as much as I did The Producers.
From the first ten minutes, I could already tell that I was not in a movie that fits to my tastes. With Broderick overplaying his role as a pathetic, overexagerrated panic-induced immature low-life, and Nathan Lane overacting like he always does with his mockish nasal tone and stick-up-his-butt demeanor, I was ready to walk out. Then, they started singing. Song number one; sucked! Song number two; sucked even more! I felt like crying. I was ready to leave the theater, but still I stayed. Will Farrell was alright for what he was given, which was to be a 'zany' and 'silly' Neo-Nazi Hitler idolizer. Insulting? Yes, it is! Only because it is so bad that it goes beyond even the Get Drunk and Laugh Your Ass Off With Friends bad. Then there's poor Uma Thurman, who sucks and isn't hot like she's supposed to be. Question: is she supposed to REALLY be a Swedish (or something) chick? Her accent completely disappeared at one point, making me think she was scamming the scammers. Hell, maybe she was but I fell asleep during the part where we learn this. Then, we have the gayer than gay gay guys who choreograph and funny talk through each painful unendurable second. If I was gay, I'd be pissed off at this stereotype even though EVERYONE is stereotyped to beyond the max in this movie. This Uber-Gay type of attitude wasn't funny ten years ago, and they're even more retarded TODAY than it was in the early 90's. STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!
Everything about The Producers fails for me. I'm a big fan of Chicago, and you can tell that this musical wants very much to catch the whimsical and hip attitude of this wonderful production, but unfortunately a song with the theme "I Wanna Be a Star" has no relevenace to moving the storyline further, and instead it stops the story dead in its' tracks, and we have to sit through four minutes of a painfully lackluster and pointless musical interlude. In fact, every song tells us nothing more than what could have been summed up in just three sentences. A GOOD musical tells the story through the music. It doesn't stop the flow and exposition just to have a song after five minutes of dialogue because they feel the need to 'put a song in now', meanwhile telling nothing more about the story or its' characters than if the song wasn't in the musical at all. Even more sinful to the viewers of The Producers is that the songs suck ass as much as Broderick's pathetic character!
In terms of the cinematography and production value, it's virtually non-existent. There's no flair or flash to speak of. It's basically the stage play put onscreen, with static camera positioning and little to no imagination brought to film format that would help make it a cinematic experience while still incorporating the feel and energy of the stage production. However, the latter would be almost impossible seeing as how I'm sure the musical itself has no energy, if it's just like this movie.

If I said The Producers was terrible, I'd be bringing it too much justice. It is downright atrocious. One big, flagrant god-awful mess of deplorable repugnance. There's a reason this was widely released in the first week of January; everyone will want to forget it after seeing it, and it was released during the throwaway week because it is bound to be a failiure to almost anyone who watches it. It will easily offend you. It won't offend because of the blatantly offensive material, but because it does everything it can to suck on every single level. Viewers will be offended because their intelligence will be scoffed at, the bad comedy will piss them off and the unending cliches and worthless musical interludes will raise blood pressure levels off the roof. If you have a heart condition, don't see this movie! I hated The Producers. I hate Nathan Lane even more than I hated him BEFORE seeing this, and I wish that Ferris Bueller stopped making movies after 1996. Just go away, forever. Mel Brooks... you fail more than you strike gold, but even for your failed attempts, you make The Producers look like less than the efforts of Uwe Boll's latest masterpiece! As for the director Susan Stroman... DIE!

GRADE: F

Reviewed: 1/8/06