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Summary:
John and Jane (haha pseudonyms obviously!) Smith are a bored married couple who, after five or six years of marriage, find out they are both elite assassins working for different companies. They have to put a hit on each other, and the jeopardy of their marriage, their lives and the audience's patience commences.

Review:
Oh yes, another summer movie this year that sucks balls. Boy, Hollywood, you're killing me! Why are ticket sales lackluster this year? Because of bullshit movies that are not worth watching, that's why!
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are two of Hollywood's most beautiful stars (let's avoid my pure distaste and repulsion to Jolie and go with the general concensus), and there's been a lot of media attention on their supposed affair, hot on the heels of Pitt's breakup with his wife Aniston. This was obviously a hoax to build hype for the movie, because you can see from frame one that these two are not good together, and the chemistry between the two are about -450 degrees fahrenheit, or around 1 kelvin. This screenplay might have a clever idea, but manages to fail on delivery worse than Tom Hanks' FedEx plane in Castaway.
We are stuck watching two overlong hours of these two stars' constant posing for the camera, and predictable dialogue that is meant to garner laughs, but instead draws groans and repeated glances at the EXIT doors for me. They know they're both professional killers, and the viewers know they won't kill each other. However, NO ONE knows how badly the playful banter does not work when they're asking endless questions during mundane action scenes about the TRUTH behind their time together since they got married. That is, no one except for the unsuspecting audience that ends up sitting through it. They talk about the close calls of revealing their cover to each other throughout their marriage, and compare scars, all while in the middle of a heated battle with other assassins - or each other - and frankly my dear, I don't give a shit.

This is obviously meant to be Brainless Summer Action Fun. Well, they got the Summer part right, being that it was released during the summer moviefest. There is Action, but it's nothing we haven't seen before. What's worse is that John and Jane are obviously so good at what they do, that anyone who tries to kill them becomes just another body count with no chance of surviving. What's worse is that we know they aren't going to kill each other, so when they fight it turns into one long and tedious worthless battle after another. As for the Fun part, there isn't any.
Vince Vaughn was ok for the little amount of time he was in the movie, but if he was completely removed from the equation, we come to realize that he wasn't needed at all. Just more excess to an already obssessively excessive movie.
So this isn't Brainless Summer Action Fun. It is actually Brainless Summer. The end.

Did their final outfits with the yellow sunglasses in a dark warehouse at night with no lights on make you scream at the retarded look... and also think of Team America? I know it had that effect on me!

GRADE: D

Reviewed 6/30/05