Chronicles of Narnia:
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

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Summary:
Four young kids stay at an old professor's house to avoid the dangers of World War II. The youngest finds an elegant wardrobe, which inside contains an entirely different world called Narnia. Eventually, all four kids find their way inside. Once in Narnia, there's an evil witch, and a nice lion, and prophecies to be fulfilled.

Review:
I haven't read the books, so this isn't going to be a bias against what was in my imagination. I DID watch the old BBC series of the 80's, and it could only be better than that pile of shite, right? RIGHT?!

Wrong. With a bigger budget in the range of $180 million (holy shit! - bad pun), they should be ashamed of the blatantly shoddy special effects. Having the kids standing in front of completely obvious blue/greenscreens through nearly every single scene detracts from the wannabe epic feel of the story. It was quite the imaginative deflator. That could have been less of a distraction if the creatures in the world of Narnia were convincing enough. But no, they look like shit as well. They are competently designed CGI animals... competent if it was designed for a weekly series release on a new episode of Hercules! I mean seriously, what the fuck was going on here? Even more pathetic was when they tried to incorporate a few seconds here and there of real life wolves... I wasn't jarred enough by the CGI dogs, but instead I had to be shown the REAL THING to remind me that not only are these dogs not real, but THIS is what a real dog is supposed to look like, and you're welcome for being completely blown out of the moment by horrid effects sequencing! Dumbasses! To add insult to injury, the day for night shots (filming in the day, and then changing it to look like night later) are an eyesore, and I couldn't see much of what was onscreen. Boo! Boo! Boo!

Let's put the bad special effects aside and concentrate more on the story itself, and the acting as a whole. On the kids' part, they were alright. That's great, considering they need to do at least OK to make the movie watchable. In fact, everyone was decent for what they had to do. It was awkward having Liam Neeson as the voice of Aslan, because his voice is so recognizable that I couldn't see a lion, I just heard Neeson.
The story itself is a lot more simple than what I remembered as an eight year old first watching the series. It actually isn't even solid enough to play the Epic Motion Picture card that this movie was trying so hard to be. Everyone knows it's a metaphor for the Bible, but Jesus, man (going to Hell for that pun), it could still be more exciting than this lackluster affair! There is a final battle sequence that cried for something more exciting, such as say, Lord of the Rings, but fails miserably. Continuity is nonexistent in the final battle. There were a few large giants that were walking to the startup line, and afterwards I don't recall seeing them in the actual battle. To top it off, there's this young boy Peter who is to lead the troops to battle, and joins the battle himself, and fights one on one with the White Witch. I won't mention how shitty the swordfight is, but I will say how unbelieveable the idea of a young boy who's never touched a sword in his life would last more than a minute in his first battle, with no training. I was laughing the whole time, because it was just plain ridiculous!
The funniest bit of the movie was when a dwarf is about to kill someone, and the older sister shoots her one and only arrow during the whole battle straight to the heart, and the dwarf says "OOF!" HAHAHAHA funniest moment of the whole movie!
Something else that was stupid... Santa Clause. There's been no Christmas in Narnia for a hundred years, but it's always winter. The reason? The White Witch. I don't get this concept. Why does Santa stroll around Narnia in his sleigh with a big bag of presents, even if it's a hundred years without giving any? Oh yeah, so the kids can get special items, such as a bow and arrow, sword and shield, healing potion (never mind being worried about those injured in battle now), akin to imitations of Galadriel in - once again - J.R.R. Tolkien's far superior series.

Even though this movie looks like shit, has a weak storyline, and wasn't all that good, it managed to be WATCHABLE. It was also slightly entertaining, but often for the wrong reasons. I wasn't bored, and that's a very good thing. I say that if you're ten years old, this would be an excellent movie. However, I'm not ten, and it didn't manage to capture my imagination enough to make me feel like I was ten years old again in a way that other movies this year have been able to do. If you're seeing this with your kids, it's safe enough, and they'll love it. Otherwise, I don't recommend this.

GRADE: D+

Reviewed: 12/11/05