Fantastic Four (2005)

Return to the Main Page

Summary:
    Four scientist/astronauts are zapped with cosmic rays after an experiment gone bad in space. They acquire special powers, and pronounce themselves a superhero group known as the Fantastic Four.  The scientist, Dr. Victor Doom, let's his vanity take over and wants to hog all the attention for the media to keep his stocks high... and the Fantastic Four DEAD!

Review:
So is this one better than the 1994 version? Yes, it is! Is that saying that this is a good movie? No, it isn't!
A few things need to be brought up before I clobber, smash - or praise - this movie. Fantastic Four is not a bad comic, but at the same time it's the kind of comic that works well on paper, but would be difficult to translate honorably onscreen. Thing is a hulking mass of radicalness, but in real life form... he just doesn't seem that appealing! I like the idea of having superheroes who don't have a secret identity, yet the fact that the only 'mutants' in this world are themselves (for this movie), it makes for a tough movie franchise. Plus, how far will a non-devoted fanbase be willing to stretch their disbelief if aliens from another world start coming into the sequels?
For the movie, Dr. Doom doesn't make himself a trans-dimensional teleportation device that goes wrong by his own miscalculations and fucks his face up, causing him to go to Latveria and rule as supreme power in a nearly impenetrable suit of armor made by some Tibetan monks. He doesn't burn his face because of applying the mask too quickly, causing him to forever wear the suit and vow to destroy Reed Richards because he tricked himself into believing that Richards caused the accident that scarred his face.
No, in the movie version, he's with the crew using his own ship for the F4, because funding fell through for Richards and he needed Victor's help. So actually, he also becomes 'mutant-ized' along with the crew, and starts to transform into a metallic humanoid... with a mask (?). Actually, this change works alright to save a drawn out backstory that could be its' own movie. I'm not a total comic geek purist and understand that changes need to be made for the movies, and that film is its' own entity. As long as the essence of the characters' persona(s) and reason for existence within the comic world is transferred well onscreen. I can't say that this is a plausible change to his origins, because the suit is what makes him human, not a mutant. His human side is part of the opposing nature as a villain to the F4. The fact that he makes his own weapons and devices is part of what makes Dr. Doom what he is.

Now I'll talk about the movie!
Overall, I liked it. This is a big deal, I guess, seeing as how most people seemed to have hated it. I was impressed with Thing, he looked very practical, and they did a great job allowing human expression in the eyes. It could have been an ugly CGI mess, but that was avoided, thank you very much. They did right there. He didnt' look as ridiculous onscreen as I was suspecting. Reed, when doing his Mr. Fantastic stretches, looks really bad. The CGI looks like it was done in 1992, by a crack-pot team of second-hand ILM technicians. There's no excuse making that shit look as bad as it does for most of his effects. Fire is a more convincing effect through CGI than most things, and Johnny looks great as The Human Torch. Invisible Girl ain't bad, either, and I'm all for Jessica Alba naked. Even if you can't see her naked. Yummy. As for Dr. Doom himself, I kind of don't like it. I don't get why they had to have him put a stupid mask on if he's going to turn into a metal humanoid anyways. I just didn't understand the logic behind it, but maybe I just zoned out where they explained the reasoning (other than that he didn't like the scar on his face).

It's obvious that the writers and director have seen the Corman version of F4, because there are some nods here and there that made me raise an eyebrow.
I was entertained for most of the movie, and I actually got some laughs from the silly humor. There are an endless supply of bad one-liners from beginning to end, but remarkably, most of them worked. However, there were TOO MANY jokes and not enough realistic banter. Johnny Storm is more of a hothead than I liked, and I wanted Thing to crush him into a little ball just like he did with Johnny's car. He's a grade-A asshole. Sue Storm is gorgeous, of course, but like I've mentioned in the Sin City review, she can't act for shit. Overall she was alright for this movie. Michael Chiklis was great as Ben Grimm, and he brought a lot of emotional strength as Thing. Bravo, matey! Then we have the Nip/tuck dude as Victor Von Doom. He's incredibly vain, and every scene he's in further strengthens this fact. He wasn't too bad as Doom, but the script tried too hard to show to the audience how vain he really is. OK, I get it! Move on, already!
The Blind Bitch (Alicia Masters) comes in real late in the movie, but this whole movie feels like a big introduction to an impending sequel. Not much happens. They all get zapped, and then the rest of the movie is about them discovering more about their powers while gaining a lot of media attention. Johnny Storm relishes in his popularity while the rest are working on a cure for their sickness. Meanwhile, Victor Doom slowly starts to embrace his strange powers while trying to keep his company alive, take revenge on the Fantastic Four and make sure his face looks good. The only battles in the movie are when the Four fight amongst each other. There's the bridge accident sequence, which isn't all that great, and then the final showdown against the all-out Dr. Doom in the end. It's all very sanitized, and PG-rated. This is OK, but when Thing throws a car full-force into a moving bus, and NO ONE IS INSIDE THE BUS... something's wrong here! This is New York, for cryin' out loud!

To sum it all up, Fantastic Four is not really that good, but I was entertained. It's a very fluffy and lighthearted family-style comic book movie. It would have been great if it wasn't released in theaters, this would have worked much better on the small screen. For a matinee, and a brainless waste of time, this is worth seeing. It's merely the fact that The Fantastic Four - which as I stated in the opening - isnt' a good idea for a movie. It's best to be left alone as a comic. It could have been a lot worse, and honestly, I don't see how it could have been much better, either.

GRADE: C

Reviewed 7/9/05