THE RUINS

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Summary:
A group of idiot 20-somethings decide to visit a Mayan temple that's off the map. Of course, they don't email friends or family. So when they are quarantined by local Mayans that don't want the supernatural flesh-eating plants infesting the temple to leave the area... they start dying horrible and gruesomely painful deaths.

Review:
The first thing that I asked myself once they started to realize that the plant is what's making the Mayans want them to stay at the temple, I wondered why the hell they didn't set fire to that crap. When their situation becomes particularly grim and there's virtually no way things can get worse, I started thinking again about the concept of fire.
That's only one of the many different questions that popped in my head about these silly-stupid travelers that got themselves in quite the pickle. I must have seen more horror movies about morons that don't tell others where they're going and then get killed off before anyone even knows they're gone than these shit-for-brains have in their lifetime.

Looking past these American tourists who literally believe that because they are American they are immune to danger, the initial set up is just like most of these horror movie types. They're boozing it up and partying like there's no tomorrow. They of course have one or two more days before they get back home, and THIS is when they meet that nice foreigner who tells them about a cool place that's off the beaten path. (Sometimes, they are talking about an awesome hostel.) Shit goes into "weird vibe mode" just before they reach their destination, but they inevitably avoid any warning signs and just trudge through like a group of oversized elephants.

I'm going to look past these glaring horror movie setups, and talk more about the good to be had from The Ruins. The actual performances by the principals was pretty grand. John Tucker should die, but he did a good job hamming up his badassery near the final act by mugging for the camera and looking like he was ready to kick ass and take names. I had a soft spot for the sorrowful events of poor Mathias, with Joe Anderson pulling through on the torment. Adding great work to another's torments was Laura Ramsey, who really got MESSED up by the end credits. She was almost a dark comedy of physical mishaps and maladies. Ramsey showed her pain and torment like a champ.
Speaking of pain... I'm so glad this flick is rated R. They sure took advantage of the rating! It is a truly gruesome, gooey mess. I had a number of laughs because of the lengths they went to make the viewers squirm in their seats. While I was viewing, I could see that their MISSION was ACCOMPLISHED. The guy 2 seats over was grimacing and leaning in all sorts of positions of discomfort during the more gross-out scenes. So were the 5 people to my right! That was some fun times!
The vines were cool, but remained some mysterious mofos, much like a more subtle and psychotic rendition of Audrey II in Little Shop of Horrors. What probably happened is that during a total eclipse of the sun, it got very dark and something from another world beamed itself onto this Mayan temple. After thousands of years, it has turned into the monster that it is now. I'm giving back story, because I was a little frustrated that there was none given in the movie. These plants are pretty badass, though. I love the "cell phone" bit where the two girls are morons and TAKE THEIR TIME searching for a ringing phone. That was pretty rad. These plants are vicious. A tasty treat for the horror fans!

Although The Ruins relies on the most overused and uninspiring of tweeny horror setups, it delivers in the gore and acting department. Also, the vines are pretty cool, even though the CGI was shitty at times. Horror fans will LOVE this movie, or perhaps be at least moderately served, like me. For the squeamish... BEWARE!!

GRADE: C+

Reviewed: 4/7/08