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Summary:
A poor little waitress in a podunk little town sure knows how to make some kickin' pies. Oh, and she has an abusive husband, so it's OK when she starts having an affair with a married man, who is her doctor that's helping her through her pregnancy.

Review:
I wanted to fall in love with Waitress as much as the majority of critics out there, because I am quite the fan of Shelly's contribution to Hal Hartley's The Unbelievable Truth, and also because it's her final accomplishment before her untimely murder.
Unfortunately, I don't feel obligated to give extra credit to her passing. This movie fucking blew. It's one of those movies that was written for women. It's the kind of story in which women are supposed to watch it and go, "Oh, wow, wouldn't it be WONDERFUL to have some accomplished doctor come into my boring little life and just sweep me off my feet and take me to another realm of wonderfulness in my life that I'm missing?" I can go for this concept, if it is played out logically. What doesn't make sense to me is that she plays the tough-woman card on Dr. Pomatter at her first appointment, but then after she storms out all in a huff she comes right back in and suddenly starts snogging him as if she was looking for her keys - in his throat - with her tongue. This is before she's even talked to the guy for more than 5 minutes, and doesn't know the first thing about him. What's worse is that he is married, too. I don't get it. I really don't.
They hardly even put up a justifiable amount of guilt or reasoning behind their IMMEDIATE sexual encounters. It happens so quickly, and so far out of left field that I was thrown out of my acceptance to these characters.
After their first few meetings in which they have sex and shit, only THEN does the movie show them together and actually learning things about one another. It's too late for me to care, though, because the story was already ruined for me with the unacceptable behavior of these two married couples. They are both having an affair, and no matter how bad things are in their relationships, I can't conceive of a justification for two married couples to be having a secret affair. I don't like these two, no matter how nice they are or how mistreated they are by their spouse. If anything, Jenna should have told her husband "goodbye" long before this movie even began. Worst of all, though, is that they only start building their relationship after the "quirky, humorous but absolutely charming" bit of their heated sexual affair. If their affair started AFTER they had started becoming best friends, then perhaps I wouldn't have been as pissed off at them.
Even more disheartening is her detached and distasteful repugnance to her unborn child. She writes a diary which is told to the audience through voice over about her painfully cynical and uncaring demeanor to the baby, even calling it "baby". Everything she dictates is about the inconvenience of a child and her unwillingness to raise one.
Then there is another waitress that is being literally pursued and stalked by a dorky man. A smart woman wouldn't be charmed by his unwavering devotion to disturb, but instead would have called the cops on him and stayed as far away as possible. But this is a "feel good" movie that does what it can to charm the ladies. So instead, she eventually "gives in" and falls in love with him. Give me a fucking break.

At home with Jenna, her husband is treating her like the total shit he is, and even goes so far as to eventually be seen slapping her and causing a big scene in public. If you didn't like the dude enough from the first moment you met him, Shelley makes sure you really hate him by the last act. He only gets more annoying and evil as the movie progresses. This is so you can cheer for Jenna when she finally decides to stand up to him (if she even does).

I thought shit was about as painful as it could get with the countless voice overs in which Jenna talks about the pie she's making, and those ridiculous but isn't-it-so-charming names. Then came the final 15 minutes. It goes almost exactly as planned, but what made me hate both Jenna and Dr. Pomatter the MOST OF ALL was after meeting his wife. That was the final straw. The cherry on top of the mudpie, so to speak. I don't understand Pomatter's intentions for cheating on his wife after that, except because he is a total sleezebag who probably isn't only boning Jenna, but many other women on the side as well.

So, uh.... yeah. Waitress is not the bittersweet charmer movie that it wants so hard to be. It's actually one of the most repugnant "love" stories I've seen for 2007. It's a damn shame that Shelley's "legacy" is this movie.

GRADE: F

Reviewed 1/1/08