Planet Terror
Director:
Robert Rodriguez
Rose McGowan ... Cherry
Freddy Rodríguez ... Wray
Bruce Willis ... Lt. Muldoon
Josh Brolin ... Dr. William Block
Marley Shelton ... Dr. Dakota Block
Jeff Fahey ... J.T.
Michael Biehn ... Sheriff Hague
Tom Savini ... Deputy Tolo
Summary:
A biochemical is released at a military base, causing flesh-eating zombies to wreak havoc on a small town. It's up to a handful of local police and social rejects to join forces against the evil military and the zombies.
Review:
Rodriguez does it again! This is a wonderful drawback to kickass zombie flicks with more than a bit of the ol' Ultra-Violence! Even cooler was having Michael Biehn! That dude doesn't get enough props after kicking my ass end over end from James Cameron's flicks. Rose McGowan has never looked hotter (although she's gotten a tad too thin, in my opinion) and Freddy Rodriguez had the chance to play a macho-macho man who kicks ass and takes names later - if he feels like it.
I went into Grindhouse looking to get away from real life, and sink my teeth into a nice helping of cheese and badly edited B-movie goodness. Planet Terror is just what I asked for! Of course there's a lot of grain and overall unimpressive video quality, but then again that's exactly what these flicks were going for. It helped give me the feel of watching a cheap 70's drive-in experience, complete with the missing reel (which is sure to be an 'extra' on DVD release of course). Most of the time it felt like the movie was taking place in the early 70s, but then the occasional cell phone and modern equipment shows up onscreen and I remember that this DOES take place in a modern setting. The world these people are living in isn't quite reality. I mean, there's zombies and shit eating peoples' brains, so... yeah. Not totally real.
What I found most impressive with Terror Planet was how well established the characters were. I actually cared about them and thought they were worth following during this blood-streaked adventure. In making these people more palatable on an emotional level just enough to really give a shit about their demise made the viewing experience even more enjoyable. While everyone seems to be turning into zombies, this small group that bands together has mostly good people from different walks of life. Then there's the "asshole wimp" that you're supposed to hate. I got some good laughs from that. He's a rich dude in a Hawaiian shirt that does nothing but complain. Even more interesting is that he's introduced AFTER the missing reel. So, you don't know who he is or where he came from, all that matters is that he's an asshole the moment you first see him in frame. That was clever.
The missing reel was a clever ploy, being instigated in the middle of the sex scene. Clever. Within that reel are a good ten to fifteen missing minutes, and we're back in the middle of a flaming inferno, while Michael Biehn's character tells Rodriguez he's sorry for treating him the way he did. "If I had know you were.... you know," he says, "I wouldn't have treated you like I did." I laughed. Of course WE don't know. Funny.
Planet Terror provided me with many popping puss pockets, exploding body parts, blood and guts up the wazoo, all while keeping me entertained from open to close. I have to say that it was a great moviegoing experience. I'm a sucker for a great zombie flick, and this is up there with the best.
GRADE: A
Death Proof
Director:
Quentin Tarantino
Kurt Russell ... Stuntman Mike
Sydney Tamiia Poitier ... Jungle Julia
Rose McGowan ... Pam
Rosario Dawson ... Abernathy
Vanessa Ferlito ... Arlene
Tracie Thoms ... Kim
Mary Elizabeth Winstead ... Lee
Zoe Bell ... Zoe
Summary:
Two groups of girls are terrorized by "Stuntman Mike", who uses his car as a death machine.
Review:
After a series of entertaining trailers and a great first movie, I couldn't help but be crushed by the shittiness of Death Proof.
I understand the concept of copying grindhouse pictures with inane dialogue, slow pacing, unfinished plot holes (such as leaving Lee at the barn, WTF happened there?), but dayamn... it's ONE THING to emulate elements of the genre. It's another thing altogether to keep it just as boring and uninteresting as most of the grindhouse pictures that were made. Planet Terror managed to keep the tone and the better points of those kinds of movies while also kicking a lot of ass in the fun department. Death Proof was just as boring and pointless as 90% of the originals. I didnt' pay to be impressed by QT's (QT = Quentin Tarantino) ability to emulate the most uninspiring moments of what made most of those pictures fail. I was hoping for him to know what made them FUN. He only did that when Kurt Russell was on screen.
What's even more upsetting is that Russell doesn't have much screentime at all. It's a good 25 minutes before he first presents himself with a key scene, and then we catch him really heating up just before the "missing reel" where I'm sure those extra 10-15 minutes were far and away the most exciting non-chase sequence moments in the entire flick. Too bad they removed THAT reel, and not any of the others in which we had endless talk about nothing between a group of uninteresting and stupid girls.
I myself did NOT find the dialogue 'realistic', either. They talked in circles so much that the repetition made me want to rip my ears out of their sockets.
Here's how it felt to me:
"Did I not tell you what I did while I was DJ'ing the radio this morning? Well. I was on the radio this morning, and while DJ'ing I said something. I said something about you."
"Me?"
"Yes! This morning on the radio, I mentioned you. While I was DJ'ing on the radio this morning I said things about you. I said..."
"Can you believe it? This guy is selling a 1970 Dodge Challenger - with a 440! - in white! Just like in VANISHING POINT!"
"We should go see the 1970 Dodge Challenger with the 440 that the farmer is selling. It's the VANISHING POINT Challenger! Badass!"
"OK, so I didn't want to look at just any car. This is more than just any car. It's a fucking 1970 DODGE Challenger in white, just like in VANISHING POINT!"
"We should go and talk to this guy about the VANISHING POINT Dodge Challenger! Maybe test drive the VANISHING POINT Dodge Challenger in white, with the 440!"
"Don't worry guys, I'll talk to him to get us to drive it. I'll say what needs to be said so that he will be convinced to allow us the opportunity to test drive the VANISHING POINT Challenger without him in it. I'm going to talk to him and convince him that he should let us test drive the VANISHING POINT Challenger so that we can go out on the road together alone, and he'll stay here!"
on and on and on and on....
I would have walked out of Death Proof if I wasn't pretty sure that the actual scenes in which there's insane driving being put to use wouldn't entertain the hell out of me. This is the only time where I felt my time was well spent. I loved the first crash scene, and then in the end with the final chase sequence... that was fucking beautiful, man! I loved Stuntman Mike's reaction to being hurt, as well. Russell hammed it up big time and it worked! So, he's a "stuntman" is he? Hahaha, that was some fun times!
When Stuntman Mike wasn't out there with his Death Proof stunt car driving girls crazy with fear and mayhem, Death Proof is a perfect example of the kind of movie you should watch while pressing down on the fastforward button. While QT fell into the same pitfalls of so many grindhouse pictures, it was WORSE because I also feel that he wanted to fill the movie with endless dialogue because "that's what the fans like about me". Either they're talking, dancing to a "hip" song, or Kurt Russell is kicking ass. I say skip the countless foot fetish shots (fuck me, man, I hate feet), fastforward past the mundane and pointless dialogue that isn't even interesting for being pointless and don't be fooled by thinking that a cool song and a cute chick dancing to it will keep you entertained. Instead, skip right on over to any time Kurt Russell is doing what he does best, and those will be a fantastic thirty minutes.
GRADE: D
Before screening Death Proof, there are a few more trailers. Rob Zombie directs the trailer Werewolf Women of the S.S.. It was cheesy and silly, with some wonderful night shots in the snow, but the weakest of the three.
Edgar Wright (of Shaun of the Dead fame) gave me a ton of laughs with Don't Scream. You gotta see it to get the full effect.
Eli Roth's Thanksgiving was an uproarious display of gratuity. I can't believe the MPAA actually let them get away with some of the moments this trailer had! I laughed and laughed. There was a great Walker Texas Ranger moment where a dude puts his fingers on a bloodstain where a dude's head was chopped off in plain site at a parade, puts it to his lip and says, "It's blood." Michael Biehn then says "Son of a BITCH!!" AWESOME! Those last ten seconds... holy shit! Funny, and truly disgusting!!
Conclusion to the entire viewing experience:
I'd have to say that the idea for presenting a double feature in the same vein as the old grindhouse pictures is a wonderful idea. It was over three hours long, presenting two full 90 minute features (before the missing reels). I was thinking it would be two and a half hours. I was expecting two, 70 minute movies with ten minutes of trailers in between. One DEFINETELY gets their money's worth out of this and I'm very grateful for the decision to have it released as one picture. This will tax many viewers as well as hurt the box office with less screenings per day, but I am a movie fan who can spend entire days doing nothing but watch movies. So, ten bucks for two movies is a deal in my book.
Sure, I didn't like Death Proof but the stuntwork is kickass, and Planet Terror more than made up for my not enjoying QT's movie.
I would love to see another grindhouse picture. I doubt that will happen. I sure hope they don't release two separate DVDs with half the trailers and one movie on each release. That would be a real shitty decision. We all know that 6 months later there would be a THREE DISC version as well with more extras and both movies for probably five dollars above the price of ONE of the movies in the first release. Anyways, I am satisfied with what I got. Even though I thought Death Proof sucked donkey balls.