Balls of Fury

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Summary:
A former Olympic ping pong player is hired to infiltrate a secret underground tournament.

Review:
The worst movie of the year. Hands down.

I was looking for a stupid, brainless but funny movie here. I gotta give the makers of this movie's trailers a truckload of brownie points on this one. It turns out that the funny parts in the trailer are of course not funny in the movie itself because we've seen it 30 times already, but it also manages not to be funny within the context of the moment as well. If I hadn't seen the trailer already, I wouldn't have even laughed at the joke the first time I saw it, which was while watching the movie. That is how utterly unfunny Balls of Fury is.
Maggie Q seems to have either lost a TON of weight, or it was well hidden and less unflatteringly portrayed in her previous movies. The lady is wayyy too thin in this one, and it looks like she'd fall over at the mere mention of wind gusts. I love thin asians, but she's gone over into the realm of "too thin" even for my tastes. Luckily, there's the ever gorgeous Cathy Shim, but unfortunately she was underused as just a short skirt wearing North Korean game watcher. Heck, maybe she had more to do with the movie, but I slept for a few minutes here and there after about the first 30 minutes, and finally walked out near the end. I just couldn't take it any more. If Kim Jong Il wanted to destroy America, all he'd need to do is take over the airwaves and play this movie for a full day. We'd all probably implode from the overall mass of suckage that this movie provides.

I hate the fact that I actually spent money to see this movie. It ruined my day completely. It's one thing if I'm theater hopping or something, but I actually BOUGHT a TICKET to see this. I contributed financial recognition to this pile of horse doo-doo. Because of that, I feel that I have just become even stupider than I was before. I went from stupid, and am slightly closer downhill to retardation.

Balls of Fury is the kind of comedy that manages to never ever make you laugh. The joke is on us, the viewers. I wouldn't even wish this on a sworn enemy.
This movie can suck my balls, furiously.

GRADE: F

Reviewed 9/1/07