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Summary:
Super-duper young big-wig millionaire Clay Beresford has a heart condition which can only be fixed with a heart transplant. His overprotective mother wants him to choose a different doctor than Clay's friend Jack. Meanwhile, his love Sam Lockwood causes a rift between Clay and his mom. During surgery, the drugs immobilize him, but Clay is still awake during the transplant, which leads to his journey out of body... and new shocking discoveries of his own life and family.

Review:
I had PLENTY to say while watching Awake, but now it's a couple hours later and I think my brain is systematically wiping away memories to save my sanity from the horrors of watching this mess. When Clay is getting surgery and he starts giving a voice over narration, I busted out laughing. "Don't you use shaving cream for that? Is that supposed to feel so cold?! Oh! OW! Ouch! You fuckers, look at me! Open my eyes! I can feel this! This isn't right! AAAAHHH! Stop that! Please, I'm not asleep!!" This is the pinnacle of the movie's horror, and I'm laughing. Or perhaps the horror of being awake while having surgery is not as horrifying as the hidden troubled past with his father, or dealing with new shocking discoveries while he's under the knife. I don't know.

When Awake isn't injecting me with laughter at how insulting this movie is to me as a moviegoer, Jessica Alba gets to make out with Anakin Skywalker, and almost start showing those two goodies that all fans are waiting for, yet instead copping out once again and leaving NO reason whatsoever to keep watching. The flat and uninspired "romance" between the two leads is less convincing than the whole final 20 minute fiasco of one bad twist to another.
I was wondering how far down this pit of despair could take me, so I stayed until the story finished itself out. I don't know who's the bigger fool; me, for watching it or the cast for sinking so low as to take the money and run off laughing to the bank. I was more grossed out and disturbed with Hayden's huge-ass mole protruding on his naked back than anything else that happened.
When I was thinking that Awake couldn't get any worse, the final 30 minutes showed me how wrong I could get. The first couple twists really did not surprise me. What did surprise me was the way that Clay's mother could have taken a couple of simple clues and turned them into reasons of believing what she did. Then, there's the red herring used with the alcohol flask, which was there ONLY to throw off the audience. Cheaply done, and completely retarded. Then there's the whole laughable bit with Clay's mom, and her telling Clay all the things she did, and why she did it, with her final scene in the movie. I was shaking my head and laughing, wondering if the other 3 people in the theater were just as appalled as I was. I couldn't tell.

I'm glad I gave myself a drastic haircut recently, or else I would have gone screaming out the theater with bloody patches of hair torn out of my head. There is not one redeemable moment to be had from Awake. All the way down to the useless voice over explaining the inevitable events that unfolded after the surgery, and the final line in the entire movie: Awake. Get it? Holy hell, that's deep! It's the movie's title, don't you see? Isn't that cool the way they tied everything up with one final word?

Only see this if you're a dumbass.

GRADE: F

Reviewed 12/19/07