The Hills Have Eyes

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Summary:
A family decides to take a long route to California, and while in the desert in New Mexico, they end up being terrorized by a buncha nuclear tested rejects intent on killing them.

Review:
Obviously my first reaction to this movie is "oh, great. Another unneccessary remake." Wes Craven's original was good for what it was. It was low budget, gritty and effective for the time of its' release (although I didn't really like it all that much). I see no reason to redo it, since every year there are a handful of horror movies with just the same premise (family/friends stuck in the middle of nowhere being chased by mutated/mean rednecks). I'm tired of this formula. VERY tired. They should wait a few years before doing any more of them.
Aja had a really good breakthrough with his first film High Tension (even though the ending fucking sucked), and I was looking forward to hearing about his latest venture. I wasn't so happy finding out it would be a remake. With that put aside, the movie itself isn't all that bad. I've seen much worse, and I've also seen better. When it comes to gore, this one delivers some goodness. I liked seeing a head get blown off, and other stuff like this. I also give some props at their attempts of developing a history with the main characters, but in the end I wasn't as sympathetic to their predicament as I think the writer(s) intended. For one, I knew they were all going to be killed and/or tortured, and for another reason... I just didn't really like any of them all that much.
Maybe I'm getting old, or I've seen too many horror movies now, but I didn't get even a second of tension built up from opening to close, and I saw every startle scare coming before it happened. If a horror movie doesn't at least startle you (which is the easiest), and fails to build tension and suspense (which is what GOOD horror does), then there are problems with it in terms of accomplishing the goal of its' genre. The other major kind of horror is the slasher/nudity/comedy horror. This one didn't try for the laugh-out-loud at the insane-antics route, but instead tried desperately to freak you the fuck out and feel disturbed. Sorry, I didn't get any of that. So, ultimately, The Hills Have Eyes failed in what should have been the main intention.
The best thing about Eyes was the acting. I didn't flinch because they said a line really bad (although some of the exposition is a little silly), or wish for all of them to die just so I wouldn't have to listen to them talk any more. Being indifferent towards the main characters is better than counting down the seconds to their demise.
The soundtrack was the funniest part of the movie. It is so loud and melodramatic at some points that I really did start laughing! Especially at the very end, when there's the kind of "hero" and "happiness" theme playing. Not going to mention spoilers for this, but I really did start laughing because the score was extremely out of place for the mood. There are also a few other sequences before that didn't jive quite right with me music-wise.
Every horror movie requires other things to happen as well. You need to separate people so they can be picked off easier. Even though anyone with half a brain should know better than to do such a thing. Most of the time, I was feeling that they weren't THAT stupid, but then the last 20 minutes of the movie unfolds, and I'm asking no one in particular, "Why the FUCK did he/she do that? Kill the fucker! Kill them now!!!" I got really angry. Also, if you're going to kill someone, and then you leave them to die but you still have shotgun shells left over, don't think because they aren't moving that they're dead. Just plug a round point-blank in the back of the head just to make sure. If I do a horror movie, I'll make sure someone does this.
It was also good seeing Sloth from The Goonies onscreen again. I'm just sorry that he had to take to such a bad crowd after the Goonies must've left him behind. The poor guy has a good heart somewhere down there, he really does!

******** MINOR SPOILER ************
I also have one more extreme complaint about the mutated killers themselves. Does it have to be "the uglier they are, the meaner they are"? Why can't we try to built sympathy for a completely fucked up and hideous creature than for one that isn't really that bad looking?

************* END OF SPOILER ****************

I may have found The Hills Have Eyes to be a senseless remake, and there are a lot of complaints that I have with what happened during its' runtime, but at the same time it's not a terrible horror movie. Alright, so it didn't scare me or even get me nervous, the dog has more than 9 lives, and people do really retarded shit (like shooting blindly into the night with limited ammo) especially near the end, etc, etc, etc... but it was watchable. How much can one ask for these last couple years from Hollywood, huh?

GRADE: C

TRIVIA:

Ted Levine (Bob) was the voice of Rusty Nail for Joy Ride.

Reviewed: 3/11/06